How To Be A Perfect Farm Wife

What is a perfect farming wife? Are you one? I’m certainly not but I guess I have worked out some ways to cheat at it!

The perfect farming wife according to the farmer must:

• Organise his paperwork and be able to find the piece of paper he left on the table three days ago
• Be an eternal optimist
• Be flexible – never tie him down to an exact time for anything
• Cook hearty meals
• Organise his wardrobe so he can find co-ordinated ‘good’ clothes easily
• Pair his socks
• He’s a family man and would love to see his children interested in farming so an heir and a spare are important
• Be good at budgeting money
• Be able to multi-task. Looking after children, cooking meals, keeping baby lambs alive, keeping an eye on a calving cow, answering the telephone – and all at once, should be a piece of cake!
• See bringing dinner to him in the field as a good idea

Remember you marry the farm and the in-laws as well as the farmer so the perfect farming wife according to the in-laws must:

• Produce an heir and a spare
• Able to feed the farmer nourishing and hearty dinners
• Create a meal in minutes when contractors drive into the yard
• Become involved in various community events, able to whip up sandwiches and scones to bring along
• Bring in an income yet be free to go and collect tractor parts if necessary
• Ensure the farmer and the children are smartly turned out for all off-farm outings
• Keep the house and garden tidy
• Never leave your clothes hanging out for more than 3 days
• Be able to drive a tractor, feed calves and deliver lambs

I am not a good farm wife but I guess I try to cheat the system somewhat. It’s my parents that live nearby, not my inlaws so I guess my poor mum only has herself to blame when she realises what a hopeless farm wife I am at times. I do get involved in occasional community events but keep some homemade biscuit cake in the freezer for occasions when cake is needed quickly. It is so so easy to make.

I’m not good at paperwork at all and as all the post sits at the end of the kitchen table until it is filed, it sometimes creeps further down the table towards us so we end sitting on top of each other until I bite the bullet and sort it out. I work from home so I’m kind of always available to stand in a gap or dash off for an emergency part.

I can’t create a meal in minutes unless it is teatime. We have hens now again so if there really isn’t anything left in the fridge (which happens surprisingly often) it’s a tea of toast and boiled eggs. If the biscuit cake had time to defrost, there will be biscuit cake, albeit sometimes somewhat chilled!

I don’t organise anyone’s wardrobe! I was at a meeting once where a farming lady commented on the state at some men at the mart and how their wives were to blame. If I see a very scruffy male farmer, I never think of the wife, I just presume the farmer is old enough now to know whether to tidy himself up or maybe he was too busy. I feel my farmer is old enough and smart enough to know whether to change out of his dirty jeans or not. Having said that, there are times when I nip to the local shop when I look in a rather dishevelled state too. Winter is fine as a hat and coat hide a multitude of grubby unironed clothing.

I’m very flexible re timetables so that works! Even more flexible than the farmer! I can multi-task too, in fact, I prefer multi-tasking as I then have the perfect excuse if the dinner gets burnt!

How about you? Are you a perfect farming wife? Do you have the capability to be one? Or do you have any ‘cheat tips’ to share.

Images = illustrations from the book

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