Friday Farm Wife Farmologies #11-15

Even though farms vary in size and type, there’s still lots of typical things that happen to a farm wife or indeed, a farmer. If you’ve just married a farmer and aren’t quite sure what to expect, here’s 5 hints!

Farmology #11

“No, you won’t need wellies” he says when asking you to stand in a gap for 5 minutes before you head to town so you chance going up the yard in your “town” jeans and shoes. It will be the one time that things just won’t go to plan and you’ll need to run through mud or one recalcitrant¬†animal will run past and splatter you with muck. Or an animal takes off and you’re expected to put your inner Usain Bolt into gear.


Farmology #12

The one time you are in a hurry to town, your neighbour will be moving livestock on the road. You have to be patient and perhaps even offer to stand in a gap as well as exchanging a few words before jumping back into the car and racing off.

Farmology #13

As a special treat for the silage contractors, you spend time picking strawberries for the dessert. Serving up strawberries and icecream, you notice their eyes narrow in fear and those you haven’t served yet all utter “just icecream for me please” in a strained whisper. Fresh fruit without sugar doesn’t go down well!

Farmology #14

You go into labour with your first child and your husband is getting a tad tired because he’s not used to being indoors for so long without having a nap. He starts to yawn and then asks the midwife if they use a jack or chains to help the baby along. If he starts to debate his “sire score” when the baby is born , the midwife will probably deck him on your behalf.

Farmology #15

Your husband risks tiptoeing into the kitchen to grab something without taking off his boots. You washed the kitchen floor an hour ago so you nearly hit the roof when you see him standing at the sink wearing his wellies and the mucky dog trailing in behind him.


Of course, just as you run him out of the kitchen, threatening hanging, drawing, quartering, blue murder and beheading with the floor mop, your mother-in-law’s face appears at the kitchen window.

Hope you have a lovely weekend. It’s my book launch in Wexford tonight and I’m ridiculously excited about seeing lots of cupcakes with little book covers on top of them.

Here’s more farmologies if you’d like to have a look. The illustrations above are from my second book How To Be A Perfect Farm Wife.¬†


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