The Farmer Wants A Wife – Dating Tips For Farmers

Do you remember that nursery rhyme game? All the children would circle a single child in the middle of the group and chant ‘The Farmer wants a wife’ and the child (representing the farmer) would pick a girl to act as his wife. It then continued with ‘the wife wants a child’ and she duly picked a suitable ‘child’ and so it went on.

Please note – for the sake of convenience / argument in this post, I’m referring to farmers as male but 30% of all farmers in the US are female, 29% in Australia and 15% in Ireland. I put a call out on twitter to see if any non-farmer men had married a female farmer but no responses as yet. If that’s your situation, I’d love to hear your story 🙂

Dating Tips For Farmers

Farmers are now seen as a ‘good catch’ again. Viewed as well grounded, in touch with nature, good with animals (so should be good with humans), kind, salt of the earth type of person as well as having the benefits of living in beautiful countryside and free tractor rides, apparently many women are looking for a nice farmer as husband material. Hence, farmers have the ball in their court – if women see them as good dating material, all they have to do is play the dating game well but from the research I’ve carried out, some need a few tips.

First Up – the Chat Up Lines.

These chat up lines are a big ‘no no’. I remember I was at one of my first discos, possibly the third or fourth, only fifteen and being asked to dance. I was somewhat nonplussed when the guy asked me ‘What does your father do?’ I was so surprised I couldn’t even think up something ridiculously off-putting or bizarre and stammered out ‘He’s a farmer’. To which, the guy nodded his head approvingly and said ‘same as ourselves’! Quick exit from Lorna!

Another common one used to be (and maybe it is still being used) was

“How would you like to be buried with my people?”

We just realised last week that it is 25 years since Brian and I started going out together so I have to admit it’s a long time since I heard a chat up line from a farmer! Now we stand with a sprong between us for a crowdfunding video 😉

With that in mind, I decided to do some crowdsourcing on twitter and I asked tweople for the best and worst chat up lines they had ever heard from farmers. All those who provided the examples assured me they ran a mile!

Dating Tips for Farmers

  • “Would you like me to rattle your chassis?” (from @MrsButcherLimk)
  • “Do you fancy a cut of my trashing (threshing) machine” (from @fluffanella)
  • Him “Are you a Flahavans or Odlums girl?” Me:”huh? What?” Him”Wonderin what type of porridge to make” (from @NicowhaS)
  • “Those are some fine arms for carrying buckets up the yard”
  • “You’ve got a great herding technique” was a compliment I received at the mart! (from @YummyMummyby4)
  • and the old classic “Have you much in the way of road frontage?” (@JoannMcComish)

Now for some examples from a non-farming male who assures me he has never tried these particular chat up lines – I wonder would they work?! @owenfitzp

  • “Are you in the mooooood for a date?”
  • “My friends say I am outstanding in my field”
  • “I’d be very ploughed if you would go on a date with me.”
  • “I’ll only be calf a man if you don’t go on a date with me.”

The only ‘best’ example seems to be to simply say ‘You’re lovely’ and mean it!

What Not To Do On Dates! Dating Tips for Farmers

I remember being at one of the country hall type discos with a number of friends aged about 18. It was the type that served minerals and club milks upstairs (gosh, I feel old remembering this) and had ‘pew’ like seats around the edge. Two guys moved over to where two ‘townie’ friends were sitting with their arms crossed looking out disapprovingly at the dance floor. On being asked to dance and shaking their heads, they both looked extremely indignant suddenly. What had one of the guys said? “Bring your knitting the next time”.

  1. Some people view farmers as mean, the beggars of Europe so whatever you do, don’t be mean – treat her like the princess she is and don’t expect her to go dutch on a first date or pay for your second date.
  2. Don’t lunge at her – just because the animals act like that, you don’t have to! 😉
  3. Your Irish Mammy – your mammy may be the most important woman in your life at the moment. However, when you’re on a date, your date is the most important woman in your life. Try to ensure your mammy recedes into the background somewhat.
  4. Never ever criticise your girlfriend’s cooking or say ‘My mammy makes it with xxxx’ inferring that Mammy does it better.
  5. Tell your Mammy that shouting out of an upstairs window at your girlfriend at 4am in an unfriendly tone is not the best method to go about preparing for buying a hat. Yes, apparently this has happened with farmer girlfriends and Irish Mammies!A Man and His Dog
  6. Your dog may be second in your affections to your Mammy but don’t let him into the kitchen or living room smelling of rain and slurry. Just because you can’t smell it doesn’t mean others can’t.
  7. Even if the cow is calving, don’t be late on a first or second date. Better leave all first dates till well out of the calving season.
  8. Don’t tell her to wear her Sunday best when meeting your parents for the first time.
  9. Don’t let your father comment on her jeans as sensible dress for the farm. Don’t let him comment on her tiny hands as being handy for future lambing either!
  10. If you are using an online dating service, invest in a good photographer – shave, get a hair cut and put on a nice shirt. Don’t put up a photo that makes you look like it’s a mug shot from a garda station.
  11. Don’t arrive for a date late and unshaven either in the early days or when you’re engaged. She will only think to herself “if he’s doing this now, what will he be like when we’re married?”
  12. If your only vehicle is a farm jeep that smells of damp dog and has medicine bottles, stray calf nuts and baler twine at your feet, you may want to consider investing or having a valet done occasionally.
  13. Don’t mock at her purchases of skimmed or low fat milk while you slurp a mug of the white stuff straight from the bulk tank.
  14. If she’s going to town, don’t ask her to drop in a jar of calf faeces to the vet lab – at least not for a while.
  15. Encourage her to think of spending farm time with you as a date. Don’t suggest a romantic walk and then spend all the time fencing. Make her feel appreciated if she is holding fences stakes – pick her a bunch of wild flowers from the hedges! But you could hand her the equivalent of the keys to the farm by showing her how to milk and having a laugh in the parlour.
  16. If she is keen to help you on the farm, she’s a keeper. How about making her a present of a calf by letting her choose a favourite? Mind you, if giving her a pair of wellies or a calf as a gift, I suggest having a piece of jewellry there too!

Well, what do you think? Ladies, do you have any tips or stories to share? Guys, am I being too harsh or have I given you some ideas?


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