Thinking of marrying a farmer? Perhaps you should read this list before you do 😉
Apparently in the 1940s and 50s, there were many single farmers in Ireland – partly due to not being able to afford to marry as they looked after aging parents and partly because some women had decided that marrying a farmer would be too much like hard work and wanted to marry those with other professions/jobs.
Admittedly, it can depend on the type of farming and the size of the farm. ?However, the advice tends to be relatively standard – farmers tend to be similar in many ways!
I’ve been married to Brian for 20 years now, 10 years as a scientist where he worked mostly 8-5:30ish and did all the cooking as well as lots of DIY. For ten years too as a farmer when it couldn’t have been more different, he’s working longer hours but is around most of the time but does very little cooking. We were just saying today that when we retire, he can claim the kitchen back again and I’ll gladly pass it over to him. Now I’m counting the years to retirement!
Here’s the advice if you are thinking of marrying a farmer:
1. Sorting Cattle
When sorting cattle, bear the following in mind: (sorting means dividing a batch of calves or cattle into 2 groups, perhaps separating male from female calves or dividing them according to size/thrive).
You will probably be standing by a gate as your loved one sends the relevant calves or cattle in your direction so you can let them past the gate into the shed. However, if a wrong one comes towards you (beside another one or even two) you are supposed to intuitively know this and wave your stick to separate them, sending the wrong one back to the batch and the other into the shed.
‘The black one’ – does not mean that the animal is all black. It simply means that it has slightly more black on its coat than its comrades. The same goes for ‘the white one’!
‘The bull, let the bull in’ doesn’t help when you have 3 calves heads coming towards you and you can’t see between their legs.
‘The biggest one’ – You must learn to tell the difference in size between calves, even if one is only an inch or so taller than the other.
Above all, you both must appreciate that any bad language hurled at each other while sorting cattle can be forgotten about once they are sorted into their two separate batches. In fact, bad language is expected and can even be enjoyed as at what other time can you tell your loved one he is a f**king idiot for not realising you’re not telepathic.
2. Moving Bulls
Moving yearling bulls can be a dangerous task and it is important not to belittle the dangers. Having a good cattle dog is imperative and we are lucky we do. But it still involves standing in a gap at some stage, behind a gate pulled over partially if there is one there, gripping a sprong or pitchfork tightly ready to jab it into a bull if need be.
When moving yearling bulls and your husband leaves the door on the tractor open so that you can jump in should the need arise, it is comforting to remember that should a bull attack you, that you 1) have good life assurance and 2) that your husband will probably risk his own life to save you!
Tip: it helps if you wave your arms, dance and shout too at the bulls if need be. No one but your husband will see you so don’t worry about looking a fool.
3. You Become A Chauffeur
When driving anywhere, your husband is likely to fall asleep after an average of ten miles so you turn into a chauffeur if you are travelling with him – doing the driving while he nods away in the passenger seat, waking at intervals to marvel at how quickly the journey is going.
4. No Domestic Gods
Even if your husband cooked most of the meals pre-farming or pre-marriage – don’t expect that to continue. The children see it as a novelty when Brian cooks which I find worrying so this winter, he (as a much more creative cook than I) is going to teach our very keen 8 year old to cook some meals and experiment a bit too. I, for one, can’t wait for the cows to be dried off!
5. Illness is not recommended
Don’t get sick! Once your husband has milked cows and calved cows for a week while experiencing ‘flu – you will never get sympathy again. Instead, there’s no time to get sick – according to farmer husband.
6. Single Mum for Ten Months of the Year
Driving children to activities coincides with milking cows. You might have friends who go to the hairdresser on a Saturday while their husband brings the children to football. Forget about the hairdresser – you’ll be standing at the side of the football ground. Fancy a quiet peaceful hour in the evenings? – you might get it if you’re waiting in the car outside a Scout hut. Remember too that most farms are at least 20 minutes drive from all these activities so it is a case of doing the grocery shopping or sitting in the car as it’s not worthwhile heading home and back in.
7. Scrub up well?
Farmers aren’t known for their dress sense but for hard wearing jeans, t-shirts, warm jumpers, dirty wellies and yes, splattered with much on occasion. One advantage is that when he (and you!) do get scrubbed up for a night out, that you both look pretty impressed with each other and fall in love all over again 🙂
8. Chauffeuring again
Going on holidays or travelling different roads than he normally would means that your farmer husband has lots of entertain him when he does wake up occasionally in the passenger seat – as long as you’re not driving along the motorway! Looking over the ditches to see what crops are going, how they are yielding, at the quality of the grass, if silage has been cut yet, whether the cows look in fine fettle or not – it’s all fascinating to a farmer. Expect your conversation to be interrupted by ‘they have their cows out already’, ‘wouldn’t it be lovely to have a dry farm in Cork’, ‘those cattle could do with feeding up’, ‘that silage is light/heavy’ etc 🙂
9. Telepathic Wives Required
Being telepathic is handy. We usually have our main meal at 3:30 when the children are home from school. When they are on holidays, it tends to be a bit earlier, 2:30-3ish. I tend to text him to let him know it will be ready shortly as heaven forbid he might have to waste 5 minutes waiting for it. However, even texting him may get a reply that says ‘be home in an hour’ or perhaps no reply at all and then he wonders why the dinner is dry/burnt/less appetizing. However, my cooking is sometimes not the best to start with so blaming lateness can sometimes be handy!
10. Signature Dish
When you marry a farmer, you also marry the farm, his mother, his father, the rest of his family, the dog and all the neighbours. There’s often lots of parish and community events for which you will need to bring a dish or ‘traybake’. Apart from the fact that people will know lots about you, you may be judged on the quality of your own ‘signature dish’ so it’s great if you have one up your sleeve. Never compete against your mother-in-law on this by the way – choose something that is completely different. Biscuit cake is mine – easy to make and everyone always loves it.
Still thinking of marrying a farmer? Now that I have derided the occupation, I’d love to hear what farmers’ wives (and wives to other occupations) think?!
Update 1/11/15 : Following the popularity of this blog post which inspired my first book, my second book How To Be A Perfect Farm Wife has just been published.
Jenna Schulte
This could not be more true. Love it while I live it!!!
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sarah kane
Brilliant posts! I’m engaged to a dairy farmer and due to be married in July. One thing that I note is missing from here is when, on an evening, snuggled up on the sofa, you turn to the fianc?-farmer to say something to only notice that there’s a blob of dried cow-s*%t in their ear!!
‘Haven’t you had a shower!’ i’ll ask.
‘Yeah’ will be his reply.
‘Not a proper one….there’s poo in your ear!’
‘Oh…yeah.’ he’ll answer….pick it out and a) wipe it on his jeans/shorts/leg or b) flick it somewhere into the house!!!! Aaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Lorna
Yes, those blobs of dried cow muck get everywhere – I didn’t want to put would-be farm girlfriends off totally Sarah 😉
Many congrats, Sarah, hope you have a wonderful wedding. Do get my book ‘how to be a perfect farm wife’ when it comes out in September ;0)
Simone
I am so in love with this page! I was a city girl/towney, fell in love with a farmer and we got married. No one could have prepared me for the adjustments I was going to go through in becoming a farmers wife! This article is highly relatable! I had a really great laugh reading this! It amazes me just how quickly my husband can fall asleep! It can be a hard and sometimes disappointing lifestyle, but it in no ways compares to the joy of helping my husband out and making him feel supported! It certainly makes their day (especially if they are having a horrid day for eg. if the irrigators keep breaking down, or the cows have broken a fence down and are walking all over the public road, etc). And after awhile farming truly does get into the blood! I love my life as a farmers wife!
Thanks for the article.
Lorna
Delighted to hear it Simone 🙂 Many thanks for your comment and glad to hear you’ve enjoyed the adjustment to a farming life.
Riley
I very much liked reading your blog!! I have been dating and in love with a farmer for 5 years now (dated all through highschool and I am now in my second year of college). I was born and raised as a tomboy but very much had to adjust to the farm life. Don’t get me wrong, I love the farm life but we have had a few problems lately. I am attending college to become a nurse and have at least 3 years left (depending on how far in my education I decide to go). I have been so busy with my hectic and tough school schedule that I don’t get to see my guy as often as I like, and when I do get a free afternoon or weekend, he is never available. This frustrates me because I end up missing him so much that it kills me when the days I can spend time with him, he can’t find the time to do so. It also seems like he doesn’t really care that he can’t see me as much because all that matters is the farm work and getting the cows milked. I just feel like our relationship is falling apart. I don’t want to sound selfish but it just hurts so much that he is fine with not seeing me for awhile but I end up missing him so much.
I really love the farm life, being outdoors and being around the animals. I just feel as though my guy doesn’t care if I’m around or not…..
I also know that sometimes in order to spend time with him, I need to go out and help him with his work. I do this as often as my schedule allows but when I do go with him, we never talk anymore. I need help understanding this because we have talked of marriage in the past (not lately though) but I don’t want to marry a farmer if it means feeling unappreciated and not missed..
Lorna
I think you need to get him to schedule some time off, even if it is just an hour or two, for when you are off work. He needs a break from it and should be able to manage that for most months of the year. I appreciate it might be impossible during harvest or calving etc.
If he can’t give you time now, it’s not going to happen when you marry so yes, it takes give and take. Maybe he’s having a tough time in farming at the moment and is internalising the stress – this can happen. Good luck xx
myheartmusic@yahoo.com
Wow that could be me too, engaged, but unsure, I need to matter too and as confident a woman as I am my feelings get really hurt when he doesn’t make time for us etc
Linda
Hi Riley/Lorna,
I am dating my farmers for the last two years and him giving me time is still a constant issue. Last year he did create some time for me(after a massive argument) by starting to do stuff together on Sundays (his only day off). We see each other 1-2 other evenings but it may not be until 9pm as he’s so busy and then he is asleep by 10/10.30 and he sees nothing wrong with this. He has now started building a house and overall it just seem to be getting worse. I go down to him two to three times for everytime he comes out me and he still always says something negative about coming up to me (20mins away). I throw on wellies and go down to the parlour, hop in the tractor, climb the silage out to talk to him whatever. If I make a point of something he will sometimes come to it e.g a family event. We have talked about mortgages, wedding, babies etc and agree we want to be together and have a family etc. I adore him as I know he does me but I am feeling totally frustrated about the lack of time he gives to the relationship. Its bothering me so much now I’m thinking is this my life..And not in a good way ,???????? so I’m really hoping either of the could share some advice from your experience to help me overcome this issue as I am just out of ideas. ???? Linda
Lorna Post author
Hi Linda, I’ve good and bad news for you. The bad is that it doesn’t necessarily get any better in terms of the long hours that he’s working. Plus, I know from our own experience of doing building work, that even if he’s not that involved with the actual building process and has a good overseer there, it still demands consultation and queries that take up so much headspace and really add to the stress of a busy day.
You don’t mention the type of farming he does but is there a quiet time of year that you can stock up on lots of time together knowign that the next 3 months will be manic? That’s what we do. We’re farming together now too so even if we’re doing separate things on the farm, we have meal times together. It is harder when you’re travelling to see him just a couple of times a week.
To be honest, that is what life will be like but it does get better when you’re living together. If it’s really bugging you, I’d suggest asking him to see if he can finish by 7pm one evening a week (and it’s up to him if he works till 10pm the other evenings to make up for it) so you can go out for a date. If he’s tired, go to the cinema so you can watch the film without being annoyed that he’s having a nap. I think those married to farmers tend to learn to be fairly independent in their own social lives and do their own thing a lot of the time. There’s a number of farm wife groups on Facebook, are you part of any of those? Let me know what part of the world you’re in and I can give you some links. They are really supportive groups. I think the toughest part of being a farm wife is if your friends are all dating men that work 9-5 with weekends off, you need friends with a similar lifestyle and then it feels normal. I’m either reading or writing books when Brian is working late so I suppose I’ve got used to it. We do go away on a week’s holiday once a year though and get away for the occasional night too.
I suppose I’m saying don’t nag him as it will only lead to the stress but agree on something he can manage and you’re happy with e.g. one early finish a week and attend one family / friend event every 2 months except during harvest / calving / busiest season.
That’s just my take on it btw, not saying I’m right 🙂
Good luck and feel free to email me if you’d like to.
Brittney
Just found this article through Pinterest, what a laugh!
I’ve been dating a dairy farmer for a year and a half and eagerly awaiting a ring (soon I’m told). I always laugh about questions and comments from townies, even though I am still definitely one. These include things such as:
“What do you mean he doesn’t get a day off/public holidays off?”
Well, the cows don’t milk themselves.
“Do you think he would shift into town when you get married?”
No.
“Does he not have time to clean his car?”
No.
And my all time favourite:
“So where’s Aaron today?I haven’t seen him in a while.”
One word: calving.
I’ve also learnt a few valuable pieces of information. Like times aren’t important. Half an hour is the same as two hours which is the same as all day. Oh and driving skills are a must! It is very embarrassing to have to call your boyfriend after just saying good bye because you got stuck in the muddy driveway. Or asking you future father-in-law how to start the 4-wheeler because you parked in the turning circle for the truck. Or driving at 20km because you can’t for the life of you figure out how to make the darn tractor go faster. So my one piece of advice to future farm wives is learn how to drive all vehicles well. 🙂
Lorna
It’s a totally different way of life isn’t it? I’m writing a second book now – How to be a perfect farm wife! V tongue in cheek I assure you 😉
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jerri hart
Ok, after reading this I sent it over to a friend of mine and she came back with …where can I find a farmer to marry…I had to laugh at this but I know my friend. when she sets her mind to something she will do what she is thinking about. so ladies where do you find a farmer to marry?
I’m having a good laugh writing this.
Lorna
You’ll enjoy the book too then Jerri 🙂 Lots of farmers at agricultural shows and marts. I also know of one American lady who met her Irish farmer husband via his blog, they got married last year so blogging and twitter would be good too 😉
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Shauna
Jut seen this 😀 😀 Made me laugh so much. My boyfriend is a farmer and i’ve only started to feel the effects of the “farm comes first” now after a few years. (i know i was spoiled) i only get to see him at the weekend but he spends most of that farming and as its currently one of the busiest times of the year we cant really get out to do anything as there’s usually a “heifer who needs lookin at”. Any suggestions as what can be done??
Lorna
Put on your wellies and join him – it’s the only way 😉
Susan
I recently started dating an owner of a diary farm..OMG. HA! I was raised in the country (not on a farm) but have lived in the “city” for 20 years. I work for a nuclear power plant and love learning about his farm. Love it. I love reading this post. Great advice!! If we work out, I will come back later and let you know if I still love it. haha Any advice for just dating one?? I like the “jump in and help” advice. I just need a bit of training!
Lorna
You should get my book Susan, lots more advice for when you are dating and for when you get married too 🙂
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beanie
Definitely will buy the book. I’m a lawyer now and my poor husband is a law widow. And also complains that going out in the company of other lawyers is soooo boring because all we do is talk in a really enthusiastic way about really boring law stuff. And that he can never win an argument (because if I start losing I morph it into a different argument I can win). And my daughter is 5 and learning quick now he says he will never cope as there are two of us! There should be a book for every occupation. I won’t have the same punishment for my daughter though when she goes out as a teenager and gets drunk – funnily there were a lot of sheep/cows to be moved at about 8am on a Saturday morning in January when I was about 17. Nothing better to make you think twice about whether you want to risk a hangover than a 2 hour spell blocking a gap in a freezing cold field wielding a stick.
Lorna
I heard of an American lady who is writing a book on being married to a pilot I think 😉
Yes, and not to be recommended is arriving home as your dad is getting up to go and milk the cows!
beanie
Also totally agree with the “black and blue” colour mystery. “NO NO nat the BLAKE yin, the BLUE yin!” (about two apparently identical heifers)
Lorna
Yep 🙂
I hope you will return in a couple of weeks and see what the book is like – lots of those kinds of examples in there 🙂
beanie
so true. Especially the telepathic foul mouthed stick waving livestock sorting. I am a farmers daughter and v adept with stick waving. Also v familiar with the slow driving to peer over ditches. And once I was taken to a cattle shed in France in cream flip flops and told to ask the farmers wife (in my best A Level French) whether she found that if she crossed salers with charlois the cow’s pelvic opening was big enough for the calves. Funnily enough they don’t teach you how to say that at school for your French oral. Cue lots of undignified miming about “vaches enceinte” (but apparently they don’t use the same word for pregnant with cows – its “Plein” i.e. full.). she also asked me why I had worn cream flip flops to a cowshed. I tried to explain that cowshed had not been on the official agenda for the day’s outing but she still looked puzzled.
Lorna
oh yes, those surprise trips – not to mention when you’re called out to stop a gap quickly and you ask ‘do I need wellies’ and you are told no. YOU ALWAYS NEED WELLIES!! Or the fact that you might be wearing an old bra and then you end up having to race across a field after calves trying to also hold up your boobs (well, it has happened to me 😉 )
That is funny re trying to have a conversation in French about pregnant cows and calving ease 🙂
Jennifer
This was great! I’m actually going on a first date with a farmer tomorrow night 🙂 I’m super excited! Anyway it’s nice to learn more about what I may potentially getting myself into lol! Any advice would be more than welcome.
Lorna
oooh, exciting. How did it go? Dying to hear – did you tell him you read a blog post with lots of tips and warnings ;0)
Jennifer DiVincenzo
It went really well. He’s pretty cute too. Since we’re 300 miles apart we met halfway since it was our first meeting. We’ve been texting and emailing back and forth for about a month prior to meeting. We met at an olive garden and ate and chatted for about 3 hours. I find his life so fascinating, I’ve always dreamt of the farm life. I know it’s a tough life, farming, but it’s what I’ve always wanted to do. Such a difference between city guys and country guys. Though we’re about three hours away I would have no problem driving to see him. Any advice from anyone in a similar situation?
Lorna
I’m intrigued – how do you think the country guys differ from the city guys?
Oh, do keep us informed. That does sound a big distance but I guess you are more used to travelling over there
Steve Vernon
Actually, I dated a lady farmer briefly. It was a hell of a lot of work – and I am no stranger to hard work.
However, in between dates I met a bellydancer in the city where I lived and fell deeply in love and now almost twenty years later she and I are still happily married.
This isn’t nearly as sordid as it sounds in comment format…
Lorna
That made me chuckle – from a farmer to a belly dancer 🙂
Yep, it’s hard work alright. Farmer husband has just fallen asleep in the chair,he got in at 11pm! Busy week this week but yet those hours seem to be becoming normal
Rita
Wow, I laughed my head off. I am a dairy farmers wife in Australia (I grew up on a dairy farm – you think I would know better) It is really nice to know there are people out there who understand the super powers needed to be married to a dairy farmer – particularly the telepathic powers. Not to mention you are at their beck and call, as if you are sitting around all day waiting for the help phone call because all the cows got out on the road, never mind you are in the middle of baking a cake or something!!!! Loved it, thanks
Lorna
Thanks Rita yep, happens to us all it seems and it’s all going in the book 🙂
Maggie
I absolutely love this blog. I am marrying my farmer next summer. I am from the country but grew up as a carpenters daughter, farmers granddaughter. Not long after we started dating I realized the true difference between farming and other occupations. I learned how to do more hands on things in a little over a year than I did my whole life. We have about 120 head of cattle and he also farms about 1500 acres. You were so right about all of the points in your post.
One thing I didnt see any of the girls say is about “moving”. Never did I realize how many pieces of equipment they need at each field. Even for something as simple as spraying beans they need the water truck, sprayer and chemical truck (thats all as long as nothing breaks or goes wrong).
Also having the fun job of playing blocker when moving large equipment down the highway to a different farm. Stopping traffic at the end of gravel and speeding up the hill to “guard” the road from anyone poppibg over the hill, then over and over for 7ish miles.
Forget birthdays during calving time or an anniversary during planting season. We will have another one next year but we might not have another day perfect for planting this spring!
But, im sure like the other farmers wives, the men make it worth it! There’s nothing more attractive than working with my man(no matter how terrible he smells at times) !!
Lorna
Hi Maggie, thank you for your lovely comment and I hope you have a great wedding day. Farms tend to be smaller here and I guess the machinery isn’t as big but yes, good point re having to be the unofficial escort for big machinery – it’s all good fun isn’t it. My dad is retired but loves helping out, he is away at the moment so I ended up helping out more this week than normal – over 2 hours yesterday moving and dosing cattle that I hadn’t factored into my working day at all 🙂 So much for getting more done with the kids gone back to school. You are right though, it’s a great life.
themonkeyandthegemini
Dear Lorna, Thank you for sharing your talent, wisdom, and life with the world. A friend of mine who has a suckler farm in Ireland was straight out busy and I could sense his frustration and exhaustion. Too much stock and not enough barn space, pastures too wet to turn out the cattle, et cetera. Sometimes you just have to listen to your instincts and take a leap off the cliff. I requested 17 days off from my employer, booked a flight, and landed on your shores in February 2013. In my mind I thought I’d help out on the farm and see a bit of Ireland in my off time. I quickly realized that all plans to jaunt about in my spare time were to be thrown out the window. Or rather, into the manure pile. I have never worked harder in my life and can honestly say that there wasn’t a single day where I woke dreading the day ahead. I ran the gamut of chores, shoveling in silage, scraping the slats, dosing, delivering calves, helping administer IV’s, you name it and I did it. It was there, some 44 years into my life, that I’d fallen in love with a rich and satisfying lifestyle. Better late than never I suppose. As I sat on the plane waiting to takeoff for home, I felt this huge emptiness inside of me, a yearning that I’ve never quite experienced, I was going to miss the farming life. Within less than a week of arriving home I was able to find a dairy farm that gladly accepted my offer to volunteer my time. I work Monday through Friday at my regular job and on weekends you can find me up before dawn and in the milking parlor with ‘the ladies’ followed by bottle feeding calves, mucking pens and well… you know. A heartfelt thanks to the truly amazing women who stand beside their farmer husbands. You?re a rare breed and an inspiration to me. I’m looking forward to reading your book.
themonkeyandthegemini
Warmest regards,
Lendie
Lorna
Thank you so much for your pledge and for your lovely comment. It was rough here in the spring and you sound like you are an amazing friend to have that you jumped on a plane and worked so hard during your ‘holiday’. You clearly love farming as you’re working at it as a labour of love.
Many many thanks for your support and your pledge and I hope you really enjoy the book, I’m going to head over now and have a look at your blog,
Lorna x
Lendie
Sadly, you won’t find anything on my blog yet. Between working full time, minding my family, volunteering on the farm, and training my two new bull calves to be oxen (which means I’m at the farm 6-7 days a week), I’ve not much left at the end of the day for any sort of creative writing. I’m constantly ‘writing’ in my mind but by the time all is said and done and I finally sit down in the evening, the creative flow seems to escape me. I created a blog page as a sort of motivation. Perhaps I’ll start blogging about falling in love with farming and two bull calves, Lorcan and Fionn. Both given Gaelic names in honor of the place I fell in love with farming. Hopefully soon I’ll put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. How do you find the time for it all?
Lendie x
Lorna
I’m terrible at paperwork Lendie and as soon as I can afford it, I need a housekeeper and someone to do my filing 🙂 Do start blogging – even a short post with photos of the calves and a little bit of text will get you started. Let me know when you start 🙂
Holly
haha, I enjoyed reading this, it all sounds so familiar, although I’m a farmers daughter not a wife 🙂
My mum was a towny (still is) and you can imagine the look of shear horror on her face when my brother and I started learning to feed out hay….. By standing on the back of a flat trailer attached to the tractor with 3 big bales stacked on it. We would stand on the bottom one to flip pieces of hay off the top bale and then do the two bottom bales, having to learn quickly to stand and balance on a moving trailer going through the bumpy paddock… We were all of about 4/5 when we started this! Also, riding 2 wheeled motorbikes as soon as we can walk, and riding the big farm motorbikes to round up cattle. We learnt to drive cars and other machinery on the farm.
Oh, and don’t ever expect the husband/father to put his dirty overalls and his mud/poop clad “town clothes” into the washing pile… He will pile them up outside beside his gumboots(if your lucky) until they miraculously get washed and appear clean again!
Lorna
or in a mixed pile on the bedroom or bathroom floor whereby stray calf nuts roll across the floor 🙂
If you’d like to read the book, Holly I’d be delighted if you pledged to pre-order. It will be out before Xmas 🙂 http://www.fundit.ie/project/novel-would-you-marry-a-farmer
Cheers, Lorna
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sue
so true, agree with it all, in my case i also have every time we pass a field i cut hay/corn/silage there.
Lorna
When I was in Wales recently, I found myself doing exactly the same – the townie sitting beside me thought I was mad 🙂
Would you like to pre-order the book? The link is here if you would like to http://www.fundit.ie/project/novel-would-you-marry-a-farmer ;0) Cheers, Lorna
Lorna
Hi Sue, if you would like to read ‘Would You Marry A Farmer?’ I’d be delighted if you could pledge to pre-order a copy before the deadline tomorrow? http://bit.ly/11NR96B
Many thanks, Lorna
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Susan Plumb
Another thing about marrying a farmer……..they never let you know when they are not feeling well! My husband was a saint when I was ill, I had to stay in bed he’d cook the meals on top of all the many jobs on the farm. But when he wasn’t well……no time for the doctor he was fine….don’t make a fuss …..it’ll pass ….just a stomach bug! When forced to go see the doctor or else! Hospital, tests, more tests……..I’m sorry to tell you……you’re husband has stomach cancer! Your world stops….no we don’t want to go home and think about it! If it needs an operation do it now!
Eighteen months later I’m still thinking…why didnt I push him to go to the hospital after the first week when the GP didn’t want to know! Why didn’t I nag harder……..ten months after diagnosis, operation, chemo………a valiant charity ride round Badminton for horses help heroes he lost his battle……..a strong, loving, “Gentle Man” lost the fight against cancer!
Not saying he’d have had more time but……..the farm and the long hard hours made him a fit man that ultimately killed him! He never had time to be ill, the animals always came first, the silage had to be in……..make sure your other half looks after himself and takes time off for family time and quality time for himself life too short as we realised in the last short summer we had together…..
Lorna
Oh goodness, I am so sorry to hear that Susan. I agree with you, men are always much slower to go to the doctor than women and in the case of farmers, they always seem to see another job as being more important and put it off for another day. I’m truly sorry for your loss and thank you for taking the time to comment,
Lorna xx
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Renee Sabetta-Cavers
Thank you for posting this, I laughed all the way till the end! I can agree to it all, I have been married to a dairy farmer for 14 years and every day is different; Our 11 year old daughter & 9 year old son is following in their daddy’s foot steps & I am teaching the kids to cook
I would just like to add that farm wives need to know phone numbers & each salesman truck that comes in the yard
Thank you again
Renee
Lorna
Same age as my kids 🙂
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Theresa Caton
Brilliant, love it!
Though I think my hubby might be good at writing a post/page/book on being ‘married to a midwife’…
Lorna
😉 I have to admit my husband has threatened to write a post on being married to a non-domestic goddess at times
Sheena
Read this and thought i had to reply! I am married nearly 8 months to a pig farmer and also contract baler etc during the summer months. It was birthday yesterday, and I have officially decided that I shall be changing my birthday to january when he is not busy doing the contract work which is hectic obviously during the summer with the phone always ringing! I am currently sitting here, dressed up ready to go for dinner which unfortunately is not going to happen as the feed system to feed the pigs has broken down and needs to be fixed! So how to I go about changing my birthday??? I am a city girl who has moved to live on the farm with my husband, I am also a pilot so we have completely different job discriptions! which makes for an interesting conversation when we meet new people! Anyway just wanted to say that your blog on this was hilarious and I could definietly relate to many of the things you said! We don’t have kids yet but will be interesting when we do!
Lorna
Hi Sheena
Loved your comment and yes, I sympathise. Luckily none of our birthdays are in Feb-May as it would be pretty miserable. I suggest you act like the Queen of England and have a second birthday at a suitable time 🙂
I’m delighted with the response to this blog post and it’s definitely convinced me that people would enjoy a book so I’m working away on it 🙂
Ashley
This post was amazing im a dairy farmers wife to at 24 from Ontario we have twin baby girls who yes I am almost a sigle mother to except for bath time in the evening! My husband has been a farmer his whole life and he said when he read this even I think all of this is true lol I also have been a blocker for a gap but with the big cows its very intemidating to have a gaint cow running at you and your suppose to stop it and make sure it gets into the right bed! And I have been sent down in the field with the four wheeler to get the cows and told to hurry up bit dont make the cows run! Really how is that possible lol and falling alseep is soo funny to hear I thought my husband was the only one and yes most of our conversations are about the feild or equipment as we drive by!!! Oh the joys of a farmers wife but I wouldnt change it for the world!! Cant wait for my girls to grow up in this life style! Because its not just a job it is a life style!!
Lorna
Thank you Ashley 🙂 I hope you buy and enjoy the book when it comes out 🙂 well done on your husband reading it too – mine says he must read it someday!!!
Sue Millard
Ah yes, the chauffeuring, the single-mothering, the stop-two-gaps-with-one-wife… I and my alter ego, Nora Forthright, have been there and done that. Except that we are hill farmers and not experienced in udder things apart from mothering-on pet lambs 🙂 I did like the bit about scrubbing up nicely and falling in love all over again, though I really must hide my other half’s suede shoes (they were his dad’s!)
http://www.jackdawebooks.co.uk/forthright.htm explains some of it!
Good luck with the self publishing. Taking control of production is very satisfying.
Lorna
Thank you and I will check out that link 🙂
Catherine Connors
When I was a young women growing up in rural Ireland I always said I’d never marry a farmer… instead I moved to the big city and married a corporate man… and as such became a corporate widow… perhaps on reflection I’d have been much better off marrying a farmer… at least you do get to see him sometimes 🙂
Post is so funny Lorna, its the first laugh I’ve had this week 🙂
Lorna
Thanks Catherine – yes, I suppose if I want to see more of him, I just don the wellies and get out there 🙂
LeeAnn
My sister just sent me this blog post and we died laughing. Our situation is reversed. Both of us farm girls married or dating non-ag boys. I will say most of these points work in the reverse quite well!
Lorna
I’d imagine they do – my husband keeps saying he should write one too for being married to a non-domestic goddess!!
PE Island Farm Momma
all the way from Canada, I too will be marring a farmer this Aug 17th coming, My fiances mom found your blog spot and sent me the link, Im so happy to know Im not the only woman out there, loved your blog, it is exactly the life we have here in Canada, we also have a dairy here and now Im so happy to know there’s other farmers wives out there that cant tell one calf from another, got stuck in a pen full of bulls, often gets interrupted while drive to look at other peoples farms and crops, cattle, and lastly soooo sooo happy to know that we arnt the only couple that swear at each other while separating cattle. Lorna this has been a great read and well needed, and it looks like it was an effective blog as it has reach so many woman all over the world. Us farmers wives need to ban together and remind each other that this is our life, its what we chose and we wouldn’t have it any other way!!! I look forward to your book if you can ever get the time to write it (farmers wives are the busiest women I have met) and I hope that I have the time to read it. I should start a facebook group for farmers wives so we can keep in touch for those tough days when one needs to rant, or just another woman out there who understands the situation at hand…. all of my other friends dont understand, they just think I can drop everything and go to the beach, or movies or what not….. not the case! Again it was a great read, I hope your farming is going great this year, not to bad in Canada here eh!
Lorna
Thank you – I know, I’m determined to write it this summer and if I get some funding, it will make me knuckled down!
Am hoping lots will empathise with it, just as they have with this post 🙂
Karen
Oh what a RELIEF to know what that after 15yrs … I’M NOT ALONE! you’ve described my life to a tee! Dairy farming in Cape Town, South Africa …. there’s absolutely no difference in our farming experiences.
thank you!
Lorna
It’s funny how we all think we’re the only ones isn’t it and yet farmers the world over seem to be the very same 🙂
Lorna
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Sarah
Hahaha This blog really hits the nail on the head! – Love everyone’s comments, I married a Dairy farmer here in the USA 4 years ago and though we had some animals, I did not grow up on a farm. It is defiantly an eye opener to how much time and work it is. I can say I have chased cows, milked, fed calves, and rode around to pick up bales of hay as a ‘date night’. And yes, when I was pregnant my husband kept telling everyone that I was going to “Freshen” soon. The weather plans our events which we are never on time for – something always gets loose, breaks, or needs to be harvested. Hoping for many more happy married years – I know they will not be dull!
Lorna
Yep life is certainly never dull – you might think you have the day planned but something will always happen to change your plans 🙂 – we had calves break out from their field the other day, something must have spooked them. Some ended up on the laneway between the two fields, a few stayed in the field and some raced up to the quarry! Trying to make sure we had 101 calves back was easier said than done too 🙂
Elizabeth MacDonnell
Reminds me of every time we moved cattle with Dad as kids…always ended in someone storming off!!! And while I married a sales rep he has morphed into an Alpaca Farmer and when it comes to moving Alpacas I guess I’ve married my Dad!!!!!! Aggggggh!
Lorna
Oh, I can remember storming off too. I remember storming off once when I was about 12 and meeting a rep as I stormed my way down the yard!!
capriox
I am an 8th generation up-coming farmer – the daughter, as it happens – going to take over the dairy farm here in the USA. This post and the comments had me in stitches! Love it!! I’m divorced, now with a serious boyfriend, and both the ex and the current bf learned early that chasing cows in the wee AM is not an optional job… hoo boy. At least I knew enough to warn the bf what he was getting into, but bless him he is quite cheerful about helping out from time to time. He’s 6’2″ but still is learning how to convince a stubborn old cow that he *means* it when he wants her to move along, when I can come over (only 5’4″) and get her moving promptly. Oh well, there’s an art to everything…. =D
Lorna
My daughter is like that. We used to have a really stubborn goat who always got the better of me. My husband used to say we were too alike! but my daughter used to manage her beautifully (and she was only about 5 at the time 🙂
Kerrie handford
My farmer husband has no sense of time. he says he will be home in half an hour…that means 2 hours because something will have gone wrong and he’ll be found fixing it. probably with bailing twine!! which is forever in the washing machine. i always put an hour on his time estimates and Im 9 times out of 10 right!
Lorna
And we always get the blame if we miss anything crucial that are left in the pockets when the clothes go into the washing machine!
Walter Jeffries
Doesn’t everyone know this… I mean, where did you grow up, in a barn? 🙂 (Sorry, we have no barns.) By the way, comparing you to a cow, sow or other prized female breeder is of the highest complement!
Great list. Lots of fun. Nuggets of truth!
Lin
And when you are pregnant, your husband will always compare you to a cow….;)
Lorna
Oh, that never happened to me – or at least he never voiced it 😉
Naomi
That happened to me too! While actually giving birth, he compared me to a heifr calving!!
Lorna
Oh goodness! In a complimentary way I hope 😉
Pam Graves Chavez
You forgot to add…the only programs on tv are the cattle auction on Friday Morning; RFD and occasionally a western. (one you’ve seen maybe 100 times)
Lorna
My husband hasn’t time to watch TV 🙂 but yes, the dairy pages are always open on the newspapers 🙂
Virginia
I live in the States and stumbled upon your blog while trying to figure out what to name my own blog I’m starting about my journey to becoming a farmer’s wife. Luckily my fiance’s family grows produce rather than keeps animals, but there are still many similarities…sometimes I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into! The things we do for love!
Lorna
Do let me know your blog address when you do get it live Virginia @)
Lorna
Stephanie
Lorna, I loved your post! For 24 years I was married to a grain farmer/custom harvester and for the first decade or so we ran a herd of stock cows, too. No dairying but friends who did. I came from a long line of Iowa & Illinois farmers and dad raised a few cows & pigs (I did milk a house cow all through high school) so was somewhat prepared, however, the huge machinery was a whole new ball of wax! First year it was, “Here, jump in this combine and pick up these rye swaths”. Say what???!! It was like sticking me in a jet cockpit and telling me to fly! Or drive this loaded grain truck back to the bins; run the pickup back to the farm and load it with seed, then bring it to me here in the field. That way I won’t have to wait around, can just re-fill the drill/planter right away. Ok, but the bags are 50pounds and it takes a LOT to fill the pickup bed! I know, just do it! Talk about having muscles – that will do it. Then in late May, hubby loads combines, trucks, campers, crew and off to Oklahoma to start wheat harvest, following it back north as it ripens. Meanwhile, I stayed home to see that crops are sprayed & cultivated, bulls turned out with the cows, bills paid, etc. Yup, farming is definitely something that has to be loved or you won’t last at it. My marriage did fail after 24 years but not due to the farm. Now I have moved away from there and have my own small livestock farm – beef cattle, 3 Jersey cows, Large Black and Gloucestershire Old Spot hogs, poultry and goats. Oh, and mini horses, couple of donkeys and a few Quarter Horse mares. I wouldn’t have it any other way – farming is hard work, it’s every single day, but it’s a wonderful way to raise kids and a rewarding way to make a living. Keep writing, fellow farm woman, you’re doing great!
Lorna
thank you Steph and I will visit your blog. Your farm sounds fabulous.
I’m adding to this blog post by writing a book in the same vein so do stay posted 🙂
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Rosa Kays
This wife really hit the nail on the head!she forgot to mention though the midnight calls to the maternity room or the cows are out. Or the parts run because the equipment broke down which is going to make a later night of milking. Being a farmer is not an occupation it is a way of life.
Lorna
I’m adding many more in to the book Rosa not to mention calving a cow while cooking dinner. We farmers wives seem to have so so much in common 🙂
Sarah
I’m a farmers daughter and this has made me laugh!! My poor Mum! It has also scared me a little as my (non farming) boyfriend has told me that I do some of these things– and I hadn’t even noticed.
Currently living in an urban area and missing the rural life like crazy- yes, even chasing loose cows on a Sunday evening (always a Sunday evening and always the limo X’s), checking sheep at midnight in the rain, clothes that never lose that silage smell…. give me the smells of the farm over town living any day.
Lorna
Aw, thats lovely – I think you’ll have to find a farming boyfriend 😉 I was in Wales last week and found myself mentally commenting on the stock in the fields – just like my husband usually does. The townie biz person beside me who had never seen such boreens thought I was demented 🙂
Lorna
It gets scary when you don’t even notice the farming smells though 😉
Shannon Topp
Brilliant! We are dairy farming in New Zealand, and this all sounds so familiar! I must add though, whenever we get together with friends, there’s is a distinct lack of variety in the conversation. Farm talk is the norm, grass growth, irrigation, bloat, any new gear needed, and what’s the best brand to buy. Drives me crazy! Surely we didn’t plan for a month to have 1 day away from the farm only to spend 6 hours talking about it!!
Complaining aside… We wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s nothing quite like standing out in a paddock, with the sun shining, birds chirping, listening to the cows eating. Bliss! And as for my tractor crazed son…. its pure heaven!! 🙂
Lorna
I’m really hoping we get a good summer this year – really need one and it makes life so much more pleasurable especially when milking late. Nothing like letting the cows out at 10pm on a balmy bright summer’s evening 🙂
ellie
I married my farmer last october and it is hard work but the lifestyle is worth it,It was all new to me but you soon pick things up and I love everything about farming !
Lorna
Many congratulations 🙂
P Ll Evans
I laughed out loud reading your blog. I’ve been married to a Welsh Sheep Farmer who also has a full time job working in a animal feeds merchants. I could relate to so much of it. I have spent the last 8 years of Saturday mornings standing in the cold and rain watching our son play football and the only day we spend together as a family is Christmas Day (because I insist on it). As for a holiday, the last was 9 years ago and that was in January. We even arranged our wedding date around the farm calender (I should have known then!). One thing you did miss, or maybe it’s just me, it doesn’t matter where you stand when gathering or sorting the animals, you are always standing in the wrong place. I have given up trying to read my husbands mind as to whether I should be a foot to the left or right and just stand in the middle and move when shouted at!!